I will be.. | and Rufus returns

Cancer is a laughing matter

First, please laugh again with me at these wonderful takes on the awful reality of cancer, penned by Trevor LaBarge, former student and dear friend here in NH. I asked Trevor a few weeks ago if he would make some cartoons about cancer. A common cure for cancer and other dire diseases is to laugh, right? Well, to my surprise he agreed. After sitting on the back lawn vamping on silly ideas for an hour, he left with an image of our four dogs surrounding him seared into the experience. Thus we have Rufus and his buddies…

As you read on, please enjoy another preview of my coming CD A Distant Wind. This is The Sweet Voice Sings, from Timid Nightingale, Sonata #2.

I will be…

I will be better. I will be happier. I will be more productive. I will be less judgmental. I will be cured. Really? Are you sure?!

I will be me. You will be you. That we know, but we don’t know exactly what we will become, what tragedies or joys may change our lives. We can’t, it’s simply impossible! We are what we are now. I am better now. I am more loving now. I am. That’s all we can be. Present Now.

I have a terrible habit of thinking I am a better musician now than ever. I know lots of musicians who say, “Oh I can’t stand listening to old recordings, I would do it so differently now.” I’ve been re-learning a Sor study recently that I have a bad memory of, blowing it in a concert – first piece! UGH, it was a difficult moment. So now I want to make a great video of it to clean the slate – well, yesterday I found a 3-year-old video that is just incredible! Fabulous energy, beautiful phrasing, not always what I am trying to do now, but damn good. A few minor mistakes at the end that made me decide not to post it originally. Watch it here. Getting stuck in the past, judging yourself in the past or future is what keeps us from now. We do the best we can now – and move on. And oh so important to have no regrets, no worries. As we love to say, “It’s all good!” I am happy, I am productive, I am OK — NOW!

Dance the Qigong with me

I have started reading the book Qigong – essence of the healing dance by Garri Garripoli. It’s a great healing inspiration for me. It helps me live in the Now, to enjoy every living moment with less worry about the future and my plans for it. Less anxiety, less pointless wandering about in my mind. I have not studied Qigong formally yet, but the author takes great care to point out that following forms strictly is not the point. Gathering Qi, life force, is the point. I love that approach. It hearkens back to my early mentor Marleen Montgomery who insisted on complete presence in the breath and body. No musical gesture should sacrifice that awareness.

And so I have begun using more flowing movements of my hands in my yoga practice. My hands hold my heart and mind at some distance from my body. Is this my aura? I never really believed in that concept, until now. For the last several days, the circle my hands create is widening, and they are now “holding” my heart some 10-15 inches from my body. Today I spontaneously said out loud, “My full heart will calm my angry liver. My full heart will cool my angry liver. My full heart will heal my angry liver.”

Love is the answer

I have hundreds of well-wishers and 150 contributors to our GoFundMe campaign to thank for that. I have been immensely grateful and clear that that love will heal me. But I had never felt it so directly, so physically. The close proximity of heart and liver struck me and my liver felt engulfed by my expanding heart.

The meditation grew into a prayer for the seven chakras:

May this day
Bring light to my eyes
and peace to my mind.
Bring resonance to my throat
and wisdom to my voice.
Bring love to my heart
to embrace my friends, family and self.
Bring breath to my lungs
and clarify my intentions.
Nourish my body
and feed good thoughts.
Root my feet, ankles, knees and hips in the earth
and give life to my spirit.

Thank you all for this wonderful process. I had no idea I could feel love from my community in such a deep, moving and physically direct manner.

October 25: Save the date, please…

It is with great delight we announce that our dear friend and colleague Bob Ward and the Boston Classical Guitar Society will present Tribute to Frank Wallace on October 25th in Boston and the 26h in Hartford CT. The concert will feature my compositions with Bob with Alex Dunn playing Duo Sonata #1; Christopher Ladd, guitar and Ása Guðjónsdóttir, violin, on Gryphon, Violin Sonata #1, David William Ross on Cyrcles, Sonata #3, Daniel Acsadi playing Débil del Alba and Nick Cutroneo on Shadow of the Sun.

Friday October 25th, First Lutheran Church at 299 Berklee St., Boston.
Pre-concert talk will begin at 7:30, concert at 8pm. BCGS calendar listing

Saturday, October 26, 2019, 8:00 – 9:30
Alfred C. Fuller Music Center F Berkman Recital Hall.
200 Bloomfield Ave, West Hartford, CT 06117
Phone: (860) 768-4100
Hartt Calendar

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