Prayers and Songs for Anger | Frank Wallace

The images in this blog are by Yeiter, a local friend and great artist/photographer

The Roots of Strife

In Coming Out with Cancer I discussed my struggle, my battle, with anger and regret, doubt and dissatisfaction. My cancer issues have been going on for a couple of years now, but my anger issues were somehow born in my childhood, perhaps even before! Are they the root of my cancer or not? Some think it possible, as do I. It’s nice my oncologist says I have simply had very bad luck. So whether true or not, I want to live the rest of my life free of anger and negativity. A major part of my work now is to finally and completely delete it from my memory banks.

I blamed my parents for years and only last week had an incredible guided meditation with Jewel Permut of Peterborough NH. She asked me to tell them how I felt as a little boy. Then she threw me a zinger, a knock down punch, “OK, now your parents are going to tell you their side of the story.” That was magic. I said nothing new, nothing I hadn’t thought of before: they lost their first son at birth; they survived WWII; they had unknown issues with their own parents; my mother had symptoms of abuse; I destroyed them when I moved 3,000 miles from home and lived “in sin” with my girlfriend, I never had a “real” job, etc. But somehow the gift of cancer made this moment the right moment to forgive and understand.

What an experience with Jewel. A fabulous release of held energy and negative emotions. But it would not have been possible without the ground work laid over many years, most importantly the sessions Nancy and I did with therapist and dear friend Meg Zanger over the past two years. Meg has helped us transition in our careers and life to a more peaceful place. All led to the following poem/prayer/meditation. I also share some related music below.

Daily Prayer 2

My anger is a splinter
It hurts
My body is a healer
It swells
It surrounds
In silence it surrounds
In silence it ejects, rejects
My body is a healer
In silence
I heal

A Single Veil

I wrote five spiritual songs in 2001 called A Single Veil that deal with similar issues of anger, fear and sorrow. Duo LiveOak recorded them for their 2004 CD Woman of the Water, Nancy Knowles sings; I accompany on guitar. Listen to the entire cycle at the previous link, the first two are on the track below.

I. Radiance

Don’t try to hide inside anger
radiance that cannot be hidden.

by Rumi
from The Essential Rumi,
Coleman Barks, translator
Harper San Francisco, 1995

II. A Falling Darkness

If fear is like a rock,
Then I am a hammer.
If sorrow is a fire,
Then I am the sea.
When it comes, my heart
Increases its strength,
Like the moon that shines brighter
When the darkness falls.

by Shem Tov Ben Palquera
from The Jewish Poets of Spain, 900-1250
David Goldstein, translator
Penguin Books, 1965

Gyre Publications
Copyright ©2001 Frank A. Wallace
Cover photography and design by Nancy Knowles
All rights reserved.